Family government

I was reading from the end of Mosiah (chapter 29), in the Book of Mormon, the other day. It was especially meaningful to me because we’ve been studying the Revolutionary War in our studies here at home. Here’s the background: Mosiah, the king, is getting old and needs to pass on the crown, but none of the rightful heirs want it. Instead of giving it to someone else, he decides to come up with a new government, chosen by the voice of the people and led by a hierarchy of judges. He explains to the people why having a king isn’t all that great, and the benefits of this new system. The system is set up, and runs well for a while. By the time Chirst visits the Americas, 100 years later or so, the government has become corrupt.

Mosiah brings out some points that I think are especially useful to how a family can be run.

1. The judges are subject to existing laws, and are expected to judge righteously according to those laws. In our families, we should have family rules that everyone is subject to and by which everyone is judged. That means that is there is a rule about appropriate media in the home, the parents follow it, too. Mosiah states that the laws that his people are subject to were given by the hand of God, so we should make sure our house rules follow the same pattern. Though all the laws are not specifically laid out for us, I assume that they were not arbitrary, but each had a specific purpose and consequence. In our home, we have rules about violent talk. Arbitrary? Perhaps – maybe just because I don’t like it. But it does have an underlying principle, that we want to have a peaceful home. Now I need to come up with a specific, related consequence for it.

2. Though the judges were selected by the people (not the case in families)(although I am sure my kids would be ecstatic if they were the ones voted in instead of Mom and Dad!), there was a chief judge who had the final say. I struggle with the traditional LDS patriarchal view, that Dad is final decision-maker, and what he says, goes, because he’s the dad. However, I do agree that there needs to be an authority in the home. In an ideal situation (to me), that authority person consults with everyone, takes their opinions into honest consideration, and factors it into whatever decision needs to be made, judging with both mercy and justice. Thus, they become the voice of the consensus, yet based on principle.

3. The voice of the people is essential to Mosiah’s system of government. How often do we use this in our homes? Does everyone have a say in what goes on? Do our children participate in major family decisions? How is that effected? Our church advocates having family councils, where families can come together in a safe environment to voice concerns and deal with issues (positive and negative – where to go for vacation and what to do about Johnny who keeps beating up his sister). I feel that if all family members have a say in the regular goings-on in the home, then there is much more cooperation and peace.

In addition, I think that in order to have a valuable say in what is happening, every family member needs to be educated about why things happen the way they do. With family finances, for example, I think children should understand why we choose to spend our money the way we do and where that money goes. Just as an uneducated public is more likely to make uneducated decisions about government, a family that does not have a clear understanding of the principles that govern it will not be able to make decisions that support those principles.

4. Mosiah expresses his desire to have equality in the land, that it will be “a land of liberty, where every man [and woman] may enjoy [their] rights and privileges alike.” To me, this is a great principle by which to govern our families. If one person’s actions are infringing on another’s rights, it is against the rules. If my teen’s very loud choice of music is infringing on my right to have a peaceful, quiet house, it is against the rules. Sitting on the head of your brother (while also being unkind) is infringing on his right to move freely. It’s not OK! What “rights” are in your home may vary. Is having a quiet, peaceful home really a right? How do you balance discipline (time away in a room so a person can cool off, for example) with that individual’s rights?

5. One thing Mosiah expressed to the people was the weight he bore as a king. He desired that “every man [and woman] might bear [their] part.” I think the same principle applies in families. Families should share burdens. Whether that is an emotional burden that one family member is dealing with, or the chores that need to be done around the house, the bulk of the load should not have to be shouldered by one person. Families are a great proving ground for teaching children (and adults) how to be empathetic and helpful to those in the greater community.

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