What is it with boys and violent play? I have heard a few theories – they copy what they see on TV and in movies, violent play is their way of dealing with scary things in the world, it is as harmless as other types of play (so just let it be).
I am torn on the issue. I agree that children need outlets for their emotional growth. When kids learn that terrible and evil things go on in the world, it can be scary. I want my children to be able to deal with their feelings in a healthy way, whether that is recreating their own small world in which they work out good versus evil, or talk about it, or deal with it some other way. Maybe I am trying to lump two separate issues together: violent play and play that involves the conflict between good and evil.
Nevertheless, we have a line in our home. I draw the line at violent talk – talk that embraces violence or unkindness toward people or animals. We also try not to allow violent acting out – whether in play with toys or with each other (no light saber fighting, swords, shooting guns at each other, pretending to cut various body parts off, etc). We do allow rough play, and I talk to my kids about why I don’t like them playing violently.
My basis for the way I do this is multifaceted. First, I don’t like it. However, I don’t think that is a good reason for not doing something. I don’t especially like spinach, but we have it regularly at our house because i think it’s good for our bodies.
Another reason I don’t allow violent play is because I believe that we should try to live our lives as Christ would. He advocated peacemaking, forgiveness, and turning the other cheek. When He returns to earth, I believe the earth will become a paradise, wherein the “lion and lamb shall lie down together.” If the animals are not killing each other, we certainly will be living at peace with each other. Although there is certainly violence and unrest in the world today, shouldn’t we try to pattern our lives after the ideal and live as close to that as possible?
I am confused by the volume of violent themes in the scriptures, however. A large part of the Old testament is dedicated to recounting the battles and wars fought by the Israelites, under the direction of Jehovah, and the Book of Mormon is also full of battles and wars. I understand one principle taught, that the Lord will protect His people as they live righteously, but are the scriptures saying that violence is OK? Or is there a difference between battles fought in the Lord’s name and violence for other reasons? I don’t think that is the case; the effect is the same.
I am not necessarily against war in general, as I believe that the Lord has directed us to protect ourselves, our families, and to stand up for our faith. I also realize that someone has to fight these battles. However, I see the principle taught by Christ being one of peace and love, not violence. Thus, I try to encourage that in our home.
Posted by Emily on September 30, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I think as women, it is hard for us to relate to the emotions caused by testosterone in the male body that cause men to be aggressive, violent, and physically competitive. Jesus was perfect, and as such, I am sure that his physical chemicals were in perfect balance as well. He was aggressive and violent when cleansing the temple, but soft and kind enough to submit to the necessary tortures.
On another note, boys have a need to be warriors. Whether its simply dealing with the competitive and harsh nature of interactions between other boys, or actually going to war, they are inclined to protect and provide, which requires some toughness. I think they are naturally inclined to seek out these activities because its part of their nature as boys, which leads me to believe that its more than mere coincidence and is part of the way God designed their bodies.
As with any emotion or physical response that our spirit deals with, there is a time for it to be used in prudence and under control. The scriptures are ripe with examples of men who let their passions overcome their spirit. Thats why there are women in the world. We are the great balancers and examples to our boys and husbands of taming those natural tendencies. We are the ones who help them gain control and promote peace.
You are doing an awesome job with your boys!
Thanks for the thought provoking blog, and I love your layout! Green is awesome!