How do you make your actual life line up with your ideal?
Family government
I was reading from the end of Mosiah (chapter 29), in the Book of Mormon, the other day. It was especially meaningful to me because we’ve been studying the Revolutionary War in our studies here at home. Here’s the background: Mosiah, the king, is getting old and needs to pass on the crown, but none of the rightful heirs want it. Instead of giving it to someone else, he decides to come up with a new government, chosen by the voice of the people and led by a hierarchy of judges. He explains to the people why having a king isn’t all that great, and the benefits of this new system. The system is set up, and runs well for a while. By the time Chirst visits the Americas, 100 years later or so, the government has become corrupt.
Mosiah brings out some points that I think are especially useful to how a family can be run.
1. The judges are subject to existing laws, and are expected to judge righteously according to those laws. In our families, we should have family rules that everyone is subject to and by which everyone is judged. That means that is there is a rule about appropriate media in the home, the parents follow it, too. Mosiah states that the laws that his people are subject to were given by the hand of God, so we should make sure our house rules follow the same pattern. Though all the laws are not specifically laid out for us, I assume that they were not arbitrary, but each had a specific purpose and consequence. In our home, we have rules about violent talk. Arbitrary? Perhaps – maybe just because I don’t like it. But it does have an underlying principle, that we want to have a peaceful home. Now I need to come up with a specific, related consequence for it.
2. Though the judges were selected by the people (not the case in families)(although I am sure my kids would be ecstatic if they were the ones voted in instead of Mom and Dad!), there was a chief judge who had the final say. I struggle with the traditional LDS patriarchal view, that Dad is final decision-maker, and what he says, goes, because he’s the dad. However, I do agree that there needs to be an authority in the home. In an ideal situation (to me), that authority person consults with everyone, takes their opinions into honest consideration, and factors it into whatever decision needs to be made, judging with both mercy and justice. Thus, they become the voice of the consensus, yet based on principle.
3. The voice of the people is essential to Mosiah’s system of government. How often do we use this in our homes? Does everyone have a say in what goes on? Do our children participate in major family decisions? How is that effected? Our church advocates having family councils, where families can come together in a safe environment to voice concerns and deal with issues (positive and negative – where to go for vacation and what to do about Johnny who keeps beating up his sister). I feel that if all family members have a say in the regular goings-on in the home, then there is much more cooperation and peace.
In addition, I think that in order to have a valuable say in what is happening, every family member needs to be educated about why things happen the way they do. With family finances, for example, I think children should understand why we choose to spend our money the way we do and where that money goes. Just as an uneducated public is more likely to make uneducated decisions about government, a family that does not have a clear understanding of the principles that govern it will not be able to make decisions that support those principles.
4. Mosiah expresses his desire to have equality in the land, that it will be “a land of liberty, where every man [and woman] may enjoy [their] rights and privileges alike.” To me, this is a great principle by which to govern our families. If one person’s actions are infringing on another’s rights, it is against the rules. If my teen’s very loud choice of music is infringing on my right to have a peaceful, quiet house, it is against the rules. Sitting on the head of your brother (while also being unkind) is infringing on his right to move freely. It’s not OK! What “rights” are in your home may vary. Is having a quiet, peaceful home really a right? How do you balance discipline (time away in a room so a person can cool off, for example) with that individual’s rights?
5. One thing Mosiah expressed to the people was the weight he bore as a king. He desired that “every man [and woman] might bear [their] part.” I think the same principle applies in families. Families should share burdens. Whether that is an emotional burden that one family member is dealing with, or the chores that need to be done around the house, the bulk of the load should not have to be shouldered by one person. Families are a great proving ground for teaching children (and adults) how to be empathetic and helpful to those in the greater community.
Harmony for my melody
Today was a great day.
I went hiking for the first time in way too long today. I let my kids tag along, and brought a friend for moral support (and a little more sophisticated conversation!). It was fabulous. The weather was perfect. The hike was gorgeous. I long for more experiences like that. My soul misses being in nature that way. I took the first step out of the car when we arrived and breathed in the fresh, clean air and listened to the silence that surrounded me (before the munchkins got out of the car, anyways).
I was somewhat surprised by how excited my kids were to be hiking. Around every corner was a new discovery. #2 was so excited to be the leader for a while – an unusual opportunity for him. #1 was excited to get sandy, wet, and dirty. He thoroughly succeeded. #3 was excited about taking fistfuls of sand and watching the it fall as he released it.
I don’t know about other people, but being out in a (relatively) solitary place is a sanctuary for me. It fuels my soul. It is like being there provides the harmony that is missing most of the time in my life. I feel at home there.
Little boys play
What is it with boys and violent play? I have heard a few theories – they copy what they see on TV and in movies, violent play is their way of dealing with scary things in the world, it is as harmless as other types of play (so just let it be).
I am torn on the issue. I agree that children need outlets for their emotional growth. When kids learn that terrible and evil things go on in the world, it can be scary. I want my children to be able to deal with their feelings in a healthy way, whether that is recreating their own small world in which they work out good versus evil, or talk about it, or deal with it some other way. Maybe I am trying to lump two separate issues together: violent play and play that involves the conflict between good and evil.
Nevertheless, we have a line in our home. I draw the line at violent talk – talk that embraces violence or unkindness toward people or animals. We also try not to allow violent acting out – whether in play with toys or with each other (no light saber fighting, swords, shooting guns at each other, pretending to cut various body parts off, etc). We do allow rough play, and I talk to my kids about why I don’t like them playing violently.
My basis for the way I do this is multifaceted. First, I don’t like it. However, I don’t think that is a good reason for not doing something. I don’t especially like spinach, but we have it regularly at our house because i think it’s good for our bodies.
Another reason I don’t allow violent play is because I believe that we should try to live our lives as Christ would. He advocated peacemaking, forgiveness, and turning the other cheek. When He returns to earth, I believe the earth will become a paradise, wherein the “lion and lamb shall lie down together.” If the animals are not killing each other, we certainly will be living at peace with each other. Although there is certainly violence and unrest in the world today, shouldn’t we try to pattern our lives after the ideal and live as close to that as possible?
I am confused by the volume of violent themes in the scriptures, however. A large part of the Old testament is dedicated to recounting the battles and wars fought by the Israelites, under the direction of Jehovah, and the Book of Mormon is also full of battles and wars. I understand one principle taught, that the Lord will protect His people as they live righteously, but are the scriptures saying that violence is OK? Or is there a difference between battles fought in the Lord’s name and violence for other reasons? I don’t think that is the case; the effect is the same.
I am not necessarily against war in general, as I believe that the Lord has directed us to protect ourselves, our families, and to stand up for our faith. I also realize that someone has to fight these battles. However, I see the principle taught by Christ being one of peace and love, not violence. Thus, I try to encourage that in our home.
I do not know
I read a fascinating quote from one of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints today:
“Baptism is a requirement, but why? Why is it necessary to be baptized in this way and by one holding particular authority? I do not know.” – Dallin H. Oaks, “Why Do We Do Missionary Work?,” Liahona, Sep 2009, 26–27
He went on to express his faith in Christ and His Atonement, and that if Christ requires baptism in this way, that is a good enough reason for him.
I found it hopeful that a leader in the church would admit his lack of knowledge on such a basic tenet of the gospel. I really appreciate it, as I often feel like the questions I have constitute doubt rather than inquiry.
Friends
My insight for the weekend was that in order to meaningfully serve people, you have to really know them. I long for opportunities to truly help people – to make a difference in their lives.
I can think of only one time in my life when I felt like I was a true friend – the kind of person you could call anytime (literally) and I would do anything to help a friend. I got a phone call at 2 AM one night – a heartbroken friend who just found out her full term, unborn baby had passed away. She asked if I would go watch her kids at home so her husband could use our vehicle to drive to the hospital and be with her. That was such a powerful experience for me – the fact that someone trusted me enough to call me in her moment of greatest need.
There are many people for whom I would do that, but I don’t think I have built the kind of relationship with them to be the person they would call. I want to change that.
Our church has a program called visiting teaching, where two women are assigned to visit two to four other women within the ward, or church congregation. I think the idea is great – just as Christ ministered to the one, we have the opportunity to make a difference in the life of one woman.
However, though the principle is there, the action is often not. In all my years of experience in the church, I have not yet had visiting teachers that, in a crisis, would be the first people I would call. I also don’t feel like I have been the type of visiting teacher that has the kind of friendship where the person I visit would feel comfortable calling me in that situation.
Something to work toward.
Pointing our souls to Christ
I was wondering why I felt inspired to start a blog yesterday. Although I enjoy reading others’ blogs, it is not really my thing. I may have found one of my answers to that question in my scripture study today.
Jacob 4:4, in the Book of Mormon, talks about the purpose ancient followers of Christ had for writing their thoughts about the Savior. He says, “for this intent have we written these things, that [our children and our beloved bretheren] may know that we knew of Christ.” While that is not intended to be the sole purpose of this blog, I hope to be able to strengthen myself and others through it.
Jacob goes on to say that the reason they keep the law of Moses is because it points their souls to Christ. Though we now try to live the higher law that Christ gave while on the earth, what type of things do we do today that accomplish the same purpose?
On a daily basis, we are counseled to study the scriptures and pray. While those certainly can become a guide for our actions during the day, the law of Moses was a constant, throughout-the-day reminder of the Jews’ dedication to the law, and thus to Christ (not that they always understood this, but we often do the same thing of going through the motions without understanding the underlying purpose of our actions).
I like to think that the basis behind all my actions is to follow Christ; if that is true, it is certainly not always a conscious effort. And I am certainly not perfect at it – the reason I get angry at my kids or neglect to do the aforementioned gospel study or praying is not because of my diligent efforts to follow Christ.
For me, I think the lack of worldy distractions helps point my daily life toward Christ. I try to listen to music that is uplifting and inspiring, and I try not to allow myself to become distracted by all the messages that conflict with the message of Christ. That said, there are many more proactive things I could do to turn my heart daily toward Christ. I like that the new law of Christ leaves that up to us – the law of Moses had an influence in every aspect of daily living; we are expected to find our own path, using the guidance of the Spirit to accomplish the same purpose.
Purpose
I wanted to start (another) blog (since I never post on the other one….) about my life. Trying to live Christ-centered, simply, while focused on family and what is really important.
To me, living simply and providently involves many things. People may not always think that the way I do things is simple, but there is a principle behind most of my choices. Take preserving food and cooking from scratch, for example. It is definitely not the easy or fast way to prepare food! But to me, making food that is nutritious for my family is a high priority, and it IS simple in the sense that we’re not eating highly processed foods. I know what is in nearly everything we eat because I am involved in much of the process.
Living without a television, to most people, is not living simply. It means we have to take time to entertain each other, to be with each other, and be creative. But to me, it helps me focus on priorities: Christ, family.
